Anniversary Upheaval
by CaseyRachel88
Summary: Their anniversary dinner ends in upheaval, with Aaron in the hospital and Spencer left with worry and guilt. Established Hotch/Reid relationship. Written for the IKY'dU Writing Challenge: #4.


The IKY'dU Hotch/Reid Writing Challenge: Round #4 Entry

Title: Anniversary Upheaval

Pen name: CaseyRachel88

Rating: T

Prompt: Unconscious, ambulance, fate, nightmare

Summary: Their anniversary dinner ends in upheaval, with Aaron in the hospital and Spencer left with worry and guilt. Established Hotch/Reid relationship. Written for the IKY'dU Writing Challenge #4.

Disclaimer: They're not mine, of course. Even Emperor Norton wasn't that crazy. :-)

**A/N**: Any and all feedback is appreciated – feel free to point out any errors, tell me what does and doesn't work, etc. :-) I hope you enjoy!

* * *

It was nothing short of a nightmare.

Spencer sat silently, letting soft material slide through his fingers, eyes closed as his memory supplied the vision he would forever tie to the tie in his hand.

Aaron had worn it tonight, before everything had been shot to hell. The snow white color had been striking against the blue dress shirt and black jacket that his lover had worn. The clothes had been designed to be eye catching, and God, had they ever done so. It had taken all the willpower Reid had not to drag Aaron back into his apartment and kiss him senseless when Spencer arrived to pick up his lover.

Instead, he'd just smiled as Aaron settled in beside him and the two had headed off to their dinner reservation. Looking back on it, Spencer wished that he had yanked Aaron back into his apartment. If he had thrown their anniversary plans out of whack, it wouldn't have ended like it did. Their three month celebration was supposed to have been a quiet affair of dinner and an art show, ending with a bottle of wine, kisses, and mind-blowing sex; a gunshot, an ambulance and panicked cries for help had not been part of the plan.

And yet here he was in one of the hospital's waiting rooms, deftly winding Aaron's silk tie around his left hand distractedly, trying not to picture how his lover had looked when he'd pulled it from his unconscious body to make it easier to perform CPR.

The blood splattered along the formerly pristine tie was all over Spencer's hands and body as well. From his neck to his shoes, blood had sprayed and coated him. But it was guilt that covered him more thoroughly than Aaron's blood ever could. _Please don't die… _

Spencer knew that he looked like the picture of abject misery: his hair hanging over his face, curled up on the uncomfortable waiting room chair, fiddling with a bloody piece of cloth, and drenched in blood both from the initial steam that had left Aaron's body and then from when Spencer had leaned over to give CPR. Knowing that, and knowing he was probably scaring the hell out of the other people sharing the waiting room with him, he just didn't have the energy to raise his eyes from where they rested on Aaron's tie. Who would have thought self-condemnation could be so energy-draining? Spencer's mind supplied that he was probably crashing due to the adrenaline fading from his system after the mayhem that occurred less than forty minutes ago, but the self-condemnation reason felt closer to the truth.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't bother looking up when Rossi came rushing into the room with all the grace of a bull in a china shop; he didn't bother looking up when the rest of the team flooded the place a few minutes later. Reid wanted nothing more than to wallow in his anxiety and be left alone until the fate of his lover was revealed.

Unfortunately, he didn't get his wish. Morgan arrived, and all but dragged him from where the younger profiler had been sitting. At first, the other man had tried coaxing, but eventually had resorted to manhandling Spencer in order to get him to the showers the staff workers had given him permission to use. Apparently they had been unable to say no to Morgan when they'd seen Reid's pathetic, blood-covered form curled in the waiting room.

Spencer chose to ignore how Morgan was murmuring that the blood was going to stain his hands if he didn't remove it soon. There seemed no punishment more befitting than having his lover's blood staining his hands. After all, it felt like it was already staining his soul…

After all, if Spencer hadn't screwed up that fucking magic trick, he never would have launched Hotch's FBI badge into the spaghetti sauce by accident, and Aaron would never have gone to the restroom to clean it off. If that hadn't happened, he would have been there the moment that young idiot had raced into the restaurant, waving a gun and demanding money, jewelry and anything else of value. Aaron would have been able to talk the robber down quickly, unlike Spencer, who had foolishly sent his lover a text message for a warning as he stood to try to get control of the situation. Unlike Spencer, Aaron would have seen that their celebration dinner was rapidly turning into disorder, and done something to stop it. If Spencer had been able to diffuse the situation, or sent the message sooner, or _something_ else, Aaron wouldn't have walked out of the restroom at exactly the wrong time, just as his text message alert sounded. If Spencer had done something else, the sound wouldn't have startled the shooter-to-be, and then the bullet would never have found its way to the unsuspecting Aaron Hotchner.

He voiced none of this to Derek, who had scrubbed silently at his teammate's hands when Spencer showed no inclination or intention of doing it himself.

Spencer was aware Derek was worried about him. Spencer, however, couldn't bring himself to care. When Morgan had asked how Hotch and Reid had ended up at the same restaurant at the same time, and then misunderstood Reid's reply that he had been on a date, Spencer didn't even bother feeling relieved that his relationship with Aaron was still undisclosed to the majority of the team. He didn't even smile when Morgan attempted to assure him that Reid's lady probably thought he was heroic for keeping the situation controlled.

Reid knew Morgan would have the erroneous information spread to the BAU members soon enough, leading Rossi – the only one aware that the he and Aaron were lovers – to tease him over his "lady" later. Although, on second thought, Dave might not say anything: he'd known how much both men had been looking forward to the romantic dinner and art exhibit they'd planned on attending. After all, Dave himself had given them the tickets for the exhibit in the first place as a "finally get your act together" gift.

Of course it would still probably be wise to stop Morgan from letting that information spread, but Spencer just couldn't find it in himself to worry about it. But in all honesty, the only thing he was currently worried about was Aaron, lying in surgery, surrounded by doctors and nurses and other personnel.

Just the thought of the surgery being performed on Aaron was enough to make him struggle to remember how to breathe. Sometimes an eidetic memory was a curse, rather than a blessing. Although Spencer captured a perfect image of the face of the kid who had attempted the robbery – he hadn't looked over twenty years old, and he'd profiled as being more desperate than anything else – Spencer also caught the perfect image of his lover as medics swarmed, desperate to stop the bleeding and prevent Aaron from succumbing to his wound.

Spencer had no misunderstanding about the severity of his lover's injuries. The bullet had luckily been fired without real aim, but luck is a fickle mistress: the bullet had still struck Aaron in the side of his lower chest, unleashing torrents of blood.

The moments after the shot had been a blur, but after the UnSub had fled, somehow Reid had managed to make his way over to where Aaron lay gasping, before blacking out from the pain. Someone had called for an ambulance, and Spencer had torn off Aaron's tie to keep his airway from being blocked, and then performed CPR when the older profiler had momentarily stopped breathing. Thanks to Spencer putting pressure on the wound and air into Aaron's lungs, the paramedics had taken off to the hospital immediately, and arrived with their patient alive. Spencer had followed in his car since an EMT had told him there was no room for him to ride in the ambulance. They had needed all the space available, since a collapsed lung was added to the array of injuries Aaron was fighting to live through.

When Spencer stepped out of the hospital shower, dressed in clean clothes from his Go Bag that someone had retrieved from his car, he felt ready to collapse. Entering the surgical waiting room that the team had taken over, Spencer was greeted by investigators who needed to take his statement, his teammates' questions over what had taken place, and other mayhem that frankly did not seem all that important. That really was the only word for it: mayhem. Everyone was rushing here and there, dealing with matters that Spencer didn't care about. Even the fact that the police had caught the UnSub didn't seem important when compared to the possibilities of Aaron's outcome.

Right now, all Spencer wanted was for Aaron to come out of surgery and open his eyes so he could say how sorry he was, and then beg for forgiveness. He pulled Aaron's tie from his pocket where he placed it earlier, and began running the bloodied silk through his fingers again, trying to memorize the feeling as he had memorized the feeling of Aaron's lips when they kissed. The repetitive motions actually helped to soothe away the chaos. Holding Aaron's tie was like holding his lover, keeping him from slipping away. _Please, don't let this be the only thing I have left of him…_ The possibility that their anniversary's upheaval might be their last shared experience took Spencer's breath away.

It was hours later, just as Spencer was about to storm the surgical wing to find out what the hell was going on, a nurse came in. Precisely what she said was lost to Reid, who stopped paying attention after hearing "_He's going to make it._"

The broken ribs, the collapsed and then re-inflated left lung, the blood transfusions, and the seven hour surgery that had removed the bullet and repaired the damage was nothing compared to those five precious words. _He's going to make it… he's going to make it… he's going to make it…_

They weren't allowed to see him until later. The doctors and nurses had been worried about infection and kept him sedated, but when Aaron finally awoke, a sigh of relief spread through the BAU team. When the nurses deemed him well enough for single-person visits, each entered one by one, each silently thankful to see their Unit Chief, pale and far worse for wear – but still alive. As the one who had saved Aaron's life, Spencer had been given the first opportunity to see him, which he declined. Rossi and Haley had had a short battle about who would see him first; finally Rossi backed off and allowed Aaron's former wife to go in first, and she had left promising to bring Jack with her. Rossi went in next, followed by Garcia, Prentiss, JJ, and then Morgan.

Spencer watched this occur without getting involved. He just sat outside the door, listening to the _beep_ of the monitors that tracked of his lover's heart-rate, blood pressure and dozens of other things. He wanted nothing more than to go in, to ensure himself that his lover was indeed alive, to see the proof that the bullet hadn't stolen his life – but facing the other man terrified him.

So he put it off, waiting for them to give Aaron more medication to control his pain. The medicine would knock him a few minutes after being administered, and then the man would be out for several more hours. Frankly, Reid wouldn't have minded spending the whole day just sitting out in the hallway – close enough to get to Aaron if he was needed, but far enough away so that he didn't have to see the damage he'd caused – except that Rossi had pulled him aside, and bluntly told him to get his ass in that room before his lover fell asleep again, before the elder man yanked him in by his ears.

Spencer took a calming breath before entering into the room Aaron had been placed in. How he'd ended up with a private room was a mystery, but Spencer was willing to bet that JJ had a hand in it. A nurse exited, explaining briefly that she'd just administered more medication for Agent Hotchner and he would probably be asleep within five minutes or so. Then she left, letting Spencer and Aaron have a moment alone.

Thanking her mentally that Aaron could at least yell at him in private, he stepped inside the room, slipping the tie he still clutched into his right pocket. It had become a talisman over the last thirteen hours or so and he wasn't ready to let it go quite yet.

The flickering lights of the machines Hotch was hooked to and the half-open blinds of the window cast enough light for Spencer to see how pale his lover truly was, how beat-up and tired he appeared. But beyond that, Spencer could see that there was relief in Aaron's eyes as he came in.

Aaron opened his mouth to speak, his words coming out raspy and exhausted: "Spencer – you're here."

Forcing a smile onto his face, Reid asked, "Are you in a lot of pain? The nurse said she'd just given you something, but it'll take a few minutes to kick in."

Aaron nodded slightly, attempted to shrug and then winced. "Manageable," he replied. "Spencer, Dave said you looked guilty about what happened..."

_Leave it to Aaron to be concerned about my conscience right after major surgery,_ Spencer thought wryly. Despite the fact that Aaron was right – he really did feel guilty – Spencer couldn't fight the relief washing through him. Hearing Aaron's voice made the panic Spencer had been harboring fade considerably. _He really is going to be okay…_

After a brief pause, Spencer realized his lover was waiting for a response. "I-I guess," he stuttered, still expecting Hotch to at least mildly berate him for allowing the situation to occur as it had. "It is my fault. From the magic trick to sending that damn text so it went off at just the wrong moment…" Spencer's voice cracked slightly as emotion colored his voice. "Aaron, I'm so sorry." The words came out quietly, barely over a whisper.

Hotch shook his head slightly, blinking against the drugs that were tugging him from consciousness. "Spencer, you did well, and I'm proud of you. Dave filled me in about after I was shot – an' said the medics think you're the reason I'm alive. You have nothing..." a pause and a yawn escaped from Aaron before he continued, "…nothing to be sorry for. You took control of a situation when it was personal, and held it together. I should be thanking you…saved my life..." Hotch's words were slowing down and he was blinking more as the medicine began hitting him in full force.

Those words were like salve for the younger profiler's hurting heart, and his hand suddenly released the soft material in his pocket that he hadn't realized he'd been gripping quite so tightly. Aaron didn't hate him, didn't blame him for the UnSub's shot… As soon as he really thought about it, Reid realized it was ridiculous to have ever thought Hotch would blame him. But in the moment it had seemed logical… it didn't take a genius, however, to see that love was practically radiating from Aaron. There was no blame or condemnation in the eyes looking up at him, which were bleary but sincere.

Stepping closer, Spencer ended the distance between them. Pressing his lips softly against Aaron's while both hands lightly cupped his lover's face, Spencer pulled back slightly and breathed, "I love you." A smile spread across Aaron's face and his eyes fluttered shut lightly, and then relaxed fully as sleep took him. The pain medication had hit him like a brick wall, and since he'd finally spoken to his lover, Aaron allowed sleep to overwhelm him.

Spencer brushed lightly at the dark locks that hung lightly on Hotch's forehead, before turning around to locate a chair so he could be beside the sleeping man. Dragging it nearer to the bed, Spencer sat down and then stood again rapidly as something came to mind.

Reaching in to his pocket, he withdrew the silken tie that had been earlier pocketed. Looking at it for just a moment, Spencer leaned over and tossed it into the waste bin in the corner. As the material fluttered gracefully into the trash can, Spencer marveled: throwing it away was like being relieved of a burden he hadn't realized was weighing him down. Now that it was gone, he felt like he could breathe again – it was no longer tying him to the guilt and fear he'd carried. There was still guilt, of course, but different in that it wasn't threatening to drag him under.

The tie – which had doubled as a reminder of his guilt and also as a connection to Aaron – was no longer needed. Hotch didn't blame him for what happened, and Spencer had Aaron physically beside him.

Lowering himself once more into the chair, he reached out and placed his hand over Aaron's, reassuring himself that his lover was very much alive and on the path to being well again. He ran his eyes over Aaron's still form, wondering what their next anniversary would hold. This anniversary may have ended in a gunshot, an ambulance and panicked cries for help, but Spencer would be _damned _if their next anniversary didn't end in a bottle of wine, kisses, and mind-blowing sex.

Spencer couldn't help the smile that tugged on his lips at that thought, and he was thankful that Aaron was still here with him, that he would be around for another anniversary, that he was still around _period_. Relaxing further into the chair now that his own exhaustion had caught up with him, he allowed himself to drift to sleep, certain that the anniversary upheaval had been dealt with, and everything would be alright once more.


End file.
